9 minute read)
Some Lessons I Learned from Dad (in no particular order)
1. A good story is worth telling more than once. Even as a child I remember asking him to retell the same stories. “Tell the one about me standing in my crib with the big bandaid over my eye.” Or “How about the story of taking the grandkids to pizza after a soccer morning and Jack being so tired he was laying down in the booth and all of a sudden a hand just came up to the table and grabbed a slice of pizza and brought it down under the table.” Again and again, we toss these stories around. Because a good story is worth telling more than once.
2. If an accident happens or a mistake is made, just improvise. Go with it, as I did in the play “Hands Across the Sea” in fourth grade drama class. I had very few lines, but I was the bartender in the scene. I was supposed to be shaking a shaker for a martini and I spilled it all. Instead of panicking, I played it off well with some improvised comments with a British accent. All I truly remember from that experience is how much Dad talked about my great improvisation after the stage prop mishap.
3. Dad’s advice to each of my four children upon college graduation is a story about his first job. His employer said, “I assume you know nothing, but I also assume you have the ability to learn.” These words of wisdom helped ease the pressure off their fresh-out-of-college shoulders, and also reminded them how much their grandfather believed in them and what they could do in life.
4. Make as many family memories as you are able, the kids will grow fast and you will have those memories to hold onto forever. This lesson is not one Dad said, it is one of those that he and Mom modeled for us as parents. Growing up, we were lucky enough to be able to take many family vacations. Santa Cruz and Lake Tahoe, but also faraway destinations like Washington DC, Sun Valley, Idaho, Hawaii, Canada, Cayman Islands, and Mexico. Parents make decisions on how to spend their money (or save), and mine placed a high value on families packing up and getting out of town together. Our Minnie Winnie RV trip to Wyoming, Nevada, Utah and Colorado was one of my most memorable. Picture four teenage girls getting silly in an RV, listening to the soundtrack of America, as Mom and Dad used paper maps to navigate to the next KOA campground.
5. Do the “Gimme’s” first. This is a tip for solving crossword puzzle clues that came straight out of Dad’s Crossword Solver book he wrote. He advises looking for the easiest, most commonly found, clues to solve first. Then the letters can help to solve the more difficult clues. Not only does this help begin progress on a complex word puzzle, but it is also a tactic I apply to seemingly insurmountable tasks. How will I ever get this whole barn cleaned up? Ok, just start with the easy things: open the stall doors for air, then muck the manure… I find myself offering this same advice to my children when they are stressed about some big something. I suggest they just knock off the easy tasks first.
6. Showing support for your children’s and grandchildren’s interests strengthens the connections. Dad never made me feel like he missed out having only daughters and no sons. He was my biggest fan at soccer, swim team and gymnastics. He loves to tell the story about driving me to gymnastics in our family van, as I bounced around the car with boundless energy (before seatbelts). Dad follows all the grandkids’ activities, asking about and attending when possible, football and baseball games, volleyball matches, and musical performances. His genuine interest provided connection across the miles that separate us.
7. Reading is knowledge. Read a lot. Dad is always reading a book and more recently, listening to books on tape. I am convinced that this is why he is so good at Trivial Pursuit and solving crossword puzzles. He is so smart. Reading so much is a big part of this. He also has this uncanny knack for recalling details. Many people rely on Siri or Alexa to answer perplexing questions. Not Dad, he will sit there thinking, and in time, supply the answer (or possibly ask Mom, who is also an avid reader).
8. Observe the hatch before you choose the fly. So this lesson is one I learned from fly fishing with him in Montana and at the Trinity River house. He may not have verbalized it but to watch him eye the river before he put his chosen fly on the line, I observed the way he watched the water, bugs in flight above it, and the plant life on the riverbed. Just as Dad took in various bits of information before helping me to solve a problem, he did the same with fishing. I remember calling him in tears from a phone booth when my car broke down on the Alta Mont Pass. He calmly asked all the questions, “Where is your car parked? Are you near a gas station? Calm down.” Years later I found myself asking similar questions to my son who boarded the wrong train. “Ok, how much battery life is left in your cellphone? How much cash do you have in your wallet? Can you tell where your train is headed? It’s ok, calm down.”
9. A good pan makes the perfect omelette. Dad is a great cook. Growing up he was the BBQ chef of my favorite spare ribs, but he has turned into quite the chef in later years. I love seeing the teamwork of my parents in the kitchen.
10. Laughing hard is a good release. Making people laugh can feel just as good. Dad is funny. He makes his friends laugh with clever stories. I love when he laughs so hard his eyes tear. In our house, we watched all kinds of entertainment that made us laugh. SNL, Cheers, Seinfeld to name a few on tv. Then there were movies like The Jerk or What About Bob?. There are countless more, too many for me to name. As my children know me to say, “My measure of a good time was if you laughed a lot.” I think I got that from Dad.
11. Life can deal you some tough stuff. Get back up, pull up your boot straps. Not much to say more about this, but Dad encourages resilience in all of us.
12. Musical talent is a gift. I wish I had it, and since I don’t then surround myself with those that do. And maybe take some lessons. Dad is a talented musician, by studying, practicing, but mostly by his God-given talent. He can pick up an instrument, almost any, and play something by ear. The lesson I have learned from being his daughter is that if I love music then I need to have instruments around me, have musicians (my kids) around me, and find the courage to take some lessons again.
13. Dad loves my mom more than anything. Marriage is not always easy, especially when you throw raising four children into the mix. I look at Mom and Dad, who have celebrated over 60 years together, and I am inspired. I learn from watching them, they do the work it takes, the little things. She gets him the newspaper in the morning and brings it to him with coffee. He records the Warriors and waits to sit with her and watch together. They read poetry to each other!
14. Practice your groundstrokes. When Dad visited me over the last ten years that I rekindled my tennis game (from my childhood days of tennis), he would come sit court side and watch me play. On one visit I was complaining about losing, and he offered the advice “practice your groundstrokes.” I can apply that to other areas such as writing. Dad wrote a book, which was a big accomplishment, but harder than anticipated. He encourages me to keep on writing.
15. The last thing I can think of that I learned from Dad is that a parent observes far more than a daughter realizes. As the middle child of four girls, I was always seeking attention. “Look at me! Watch me! Did you see that?” It may possibly be what drives me to BLOG or write details of my life for others to read, even if at the same time I am exposing my flaws. Mom constantly provided verbal recognition. With Dad, he was busy working hard and I was not always sure he was noticing me or my three sisters. I was wrong. Only now, in my adult years, as a parent, do I realize how much Dad does follow our lives. I understand him now, “It may not appear that you have my attention all of the time, but I see you and I am proud of you.”
There are many other lessons from Dad, these are just the 15 I came up with yesterday in writing this BLOG, as I watched my husband teach his son the best method of planting his oak sapling from Elon. Dig a deep hole, add enriched soil. Pack firmly. Add water. There you go! A mighty oak tree has been planted! Lessons from Dads are not forgotten. Thank you to all the Dads for the life lessons. Happy Father’s Day!
Happy Father’s Day Dad!
Leave a comment